*Disclaimer note: This is merely a translation of the original Chinese version. I do not claim any part in the creation of the original story.
To reward the successful completion of our mission, both Storm and I were given a few days off.
Although it might have been because the Pope took pity on Storm when he saw Storm's swollen eyes, and the fact that he kept crashing into pillars……(Or maybe he actually couldn't bear to see another pillar ruined, for each of these pillars were decorated with carvings and were quite pricey!)
Upon receiving the order to take a few days off, without speaking a word, Storm immediately left the Hall of Light and rushed for the base of the Holy Knights – the Holy Temple.
This is because there are many women amongst the priests in the Hall of Light, while the Holy Temple has not a single woman.
It is a very difficult thing to wink at a woman - even a female priest as lovely as a goddess, when your eyes are terribly swollen.
And so Storm left like a gust of wind, and although I, too, could not wait to begin my holiday, I could only walk out of the Hall of Light slowly and elegantly.
For the whole continent knows that the Sun Knight is the most graceful of knights, and no matter what it is I may be doing, it will always be done gracefully and elegantly.
I had always admired my teacher, for regardless if he were merely standing or sitting or squatting, even when getting on or off his horse, or retreating (escaping), he would still look so graceful.
There was one thing that had particularly impressed me - one day, instead of knocking on the toilet door I had absentmindedly barged in before realising that it was in use. My teacher was squatting inside, shitting……
He had immediately put on the customary Sun Knight's smile, and, very elegantly finished doing his business, very elegantly wiped himself clean, very elegantly pulled on his trousers, and very elegantly grabbed me before beating me up - very elegantly, of course - for barging in without knocking.
My teacher had often said to me, "Child, you have to know that as a Sun Knight, even if you were to trip and fall, you still have to do it very gracefully."
I believe this was my punishment for forcing him to shit so elegantly, for I was constantly tripped up by him for a month, until I was able to trip and fall elegantly, anytime anywhere, no matter how suddenly and unexpectedly it may happen.
I had even managed to get a foreign visiting queen to donate 10,000 Gold coins to the Church of the God of Light for the 'medical bills', when I had fallen down the stairs so gracefully and elegantly in front of her.
However ever since that incident, I no longer dare to stand near the secretary of the Holy Temple, for I would often find a hand trying to push me down the stairs.
While it is annoying when I do trip and fall, or that I have to take extra care to ensure that the toilet door is locked, having to walk slowly and gracefully actually has an advantage.
Especially when I have to walk slowly and gracefully in the Hall of Light, it allows me to glance and 'record' passing beautiful female priests.
Yup, you heard me all right. It's 'record'!
The whole continent knows that the Sun Knight has pledged himself wholly to the God of Light, and is the most devoted of followers!
Therefore, the Sun Knight would never spare a glance for any women!
Even if a gorgeous babe as beautiful as a goddess with an hourglass figure were to stand butt naked right beside him, the Sun Knight would be completely unaffected, his gaze never wavering to her!
Bro, do you think any guy can actually achieve that?
But it's possible! My eyes truly never wavered in the slightest!
"Child, you are now fourteen years of age, it is time to teach you how to ogle women."
"Teacher, didn't you pledge yourself to the God of Light and have no thoughts to spare for any woman?"
"Child, I may have pledge myself as a knight to the God of Light, but the God of Light did not pledge herself to me as a woman. Therefore, if I need a woman, I can only look to mortal women to satisfy myself! "
"My child, I am telling you now that as a Sun Knight, even if there is a beautiful girl passing by, you may not turn to look at her. So you must learn the technique of gazing ahead of you, and record the girl's image in your mind when you look at her from the corner of your eyes. You can then review the images of the beautiful girls at your leisure, when you are back in your room!"
Hoho…… That one on the left there, she's not bad. Record!
Oh, hoho, that one coming up on my right, is she new? I've never seen her before, record!
I paused and turned around elegantly to see who had called for me. Fucking shit! Who fucking called me? I haven't recorded that new priest!
"Brother Frost, may the benevolent God of Light's loving caress melt that frozen expression of yours."
The Frost Knight is one of those who are not part of my faction.
What do I mean by this?
The whole continent knows that even among the Twelve Holy Knights, we are divided into two. On one side, led by the Sun Knight is the Warm Good Faction; while the other – the Cold Blood Faction, is led by the Judge Knight.
As you can guess from the names, the Warm Good Faction and the Cold Blood Faction do not get along well, and minor clashes between both factions are known to happen quite often.
"Sun, it is you who should learn to be as stern as the God of Light. You should not have so easily forgiven that useless king," said Frost emotionlessly. But this is not because he hates me or anything. Oh no, as the whole continent knows, the Frost Knight's face is forever frozen in an emotionless expression. Not even the burning hot sun can melt that icy expression of his.
"The compassionate God of Light tells me that all sinners could be redeemed. As long as there is a sliver of hope, I will try my best to save every single one of them," I said compassionately while secretly yawning. 'Usually', the Frost Knight does not say much; he just has to reply one more time, and we can be done with it.
"All sinners should get their just punishments; it is useless to keep giving them second chances!" And with that, Frost turn around to leave without letting me have a chance to answer.
This is what I like about him.
Frost Knight does not like fighting, but when the whole continent 'knows' that we do not get along, we have to argue at least a few words.
And as the whole continent knows, the Frost Knight is as cold as ice. Not only is he expressionless, he also hates talking; so him leaving abruptly is perfectly normal for a Frost Knight.
Even though we would argue for a bit every time we meet, we actually have a pretty good relationship. Frost Knight, who is skilled in Ice Magic, would often make me a bowl of snow cone during the hot summer seasons.
Of course, to show that we are on opposing sides, he would always argue with me for a bit before throwing a bowl at me; then as we argue some more, he would throw out his specially made blueberry syrup before using his Ice Magic to 'attack' me - shooting out ice all over me as well as into the bowl. Ahh… How cool and refreshing!
And so, I get my favourite blueberry flavoured snow cone while still keeping up the appearance that we dislike each other.
This is why I like this guy. So even though I am from the Warm Good Faction and he is a cold heartless person, and the whole continent knows that it's impossible for us to be friends, we could only become 'friends who are not friends'.
Speaking of friends, I think I should go and visit one of my 'friends', the Earth Knight.
The whole continent knows that the Earth Knight is a good, honest and down-to-earth person. He is rather muscular, but extremely shy, and stutters a lot……
"S-sorry, I'm not used to being around g-girls, a-and talk-talking with them……" Said the blushing Earth Knight while looking at his shoes.
This was the scene I interrupted when I entered the Earth Knight's room, hearing his conversation with the… 31st? 32nd? girl I've seen in his room.
He glared at me with darkly while yet still managing to keep a silly smile on his face and said, "Sun, y-you're back."
"Indeed, with the protection of the God of Light, I was able to fulfil Her hopes, and complete the mission that the Pope had entrusted me with."
"Is that so! Hahah, congratulations! Was there something you needed me for?" Earth smiled at me cheerfully.
However, I could see the impatience in his eyes.
"I was kindly reminded by the benevolent God of Light to come and say hello to my best friend, Earth. His grace, the Pope feels that these tasks may not be enough to let me fully understand the God of Light's great and loving teachings. Therefore, I will be immersing myself in the life outside the Temple to gain further appreciation of Her teachings. "
It means: This Sun Knight have been given a holiday!
I'm sure I could see an annoyed look in Earth's eyes. Fuck! If you are on holiday then fuck off already! The woman was staring at me dazedly. I'm quite sure she has no idea what I was talking about. You have to know me for at least three years to be able to decipher the true meaning from my speeches.
This is one of the main reasons why I can never get a girlfriend. Every time I attempt to flirt with a girl, they think that I am preaching to them, and will quickly hand over some donations to escape me.
"That's great, that you can get some holiday."
That silly and cheerful smile of his, hmph! I have no idea how many girls have been tricked by that innocent smile of his.
Storm may be a playboy who winks and ogles every woman, but he is actually a virgin; In contrast, Earth is a real womanizer, yet there have not been a single rumour about his womanizing ways, for the whole continent knows that the Earth Knight is an honest, down-to-earth guy; How can it be possible for this guy to be a womanizer?!
It's ridiculous! Just as ridiculous as the idea that the Sun Knight is a drunkard!
Even though this is the 31st or maybe 32nd woman I've caught him with in his room, this guy is still the number one of the Most Wanted Husband List.
I may be more handsome than Earth, and have a higher position than him with a higher salary, but I've never even been on the Most Wanted Husband List. Because every woman knows that the Sun Knight loves only the God of Light and does not love women.
That's why I hate him.
And funnily enough, every time I enter his room, he just happens to be wooing a girl, so he hates me too.
But as the whole continent knows, the Sun Knight and the Earth Knight are the best of friends……so we'll just have to be the best of friends (who hate each other).
I smiled the brightest smile I have - I've practiced this smile for ten years, I'll have you know - and saw the girl blush bright red. She ducked her head in embarrassment, yet could not bear to tear her gaze from me.
Well, I might not be on the Most Wanted Husband List, but I have been the winner of the Top 10 Hot Sunshine Guys for many consecutive years now. It's easy to make a woman temporarily forget about her 'most wanted husband'!
"Sun? Aren't you going off on your holiday?" he said with an honest and kind voice, but the fierce look in his eyes betrayed him. Really, his faking skills are as good as my smiling skills. "If you don't think up of a plan for your holiday, it'll be over before you know it."
I sighed, "Ah, it must be the God of Light passing on Her message through you to me, reminding me to spread her warmth and light to her people. Very well, I now say farewell to you, my friend."
Earth glared at me while he pasted on a look of anticipation on his face, and said sincerely, "Then till we meet again, my friend."
I smiled and nodded, and closed the door behind me happily. Hahaha! From the looks of that girl's idolising glance, Earth is doomed to fail with this conquest, hahaha!
Stopping others from getting their girl makes me really happy. Looks like my holiday is starting off on a good note.
Oh wait! I have one more thing to do before I start my holiday.
Now I mentioned earlier that Frost Knight and I actually get along with each other well, but among the Twelve Holy Knights, he is not the best friend. Before I go off on my holiday, I have to visit my real best friend, or he'll start complaining.
Ah, just as I expected. Not long after I had elegantly sat down on one of the two stools that I had brought along with me, a black haired, black eyed knight dressed all in black burst into the washroom and rushed for one of the toilet bowls before spewing out his guts.
Now, while I elegantly wait for him to empty his stomach, let me introduce him to you. This triple black guy(hair, eyes and clothes, not skin) is my best 'friend who is not a friend', the leader of the Cold Blood Faction – Judge Knight.
The whole continent knows of the Judge Knight, the most fearsome and cruel of the Twelve Holy Knights. Parents would scare their children into listening to them by threatening to send them to the Judge Knight, who is in charge of judging the sinners.
As I am the head of the Warm Good Faction, and Judge is the head of the Cold Blood Faction, we are sworn rivals.
I will always preach that "the God of Light will forgive all your sins."
While he will always claim that "the God of Light will punish you for your sins."
From this, it can be deduced that the God of Light has MPD……Multiple Personality Disorder!
'If the upper beam is not straight, the lower beam will be crooked'. It means that subordinates will imitate their superiors' vices. And so, all the Holy Knights are a little weird too.
The supposedly most fearsome and cruel Judge Knight had vomited right after his first interrogation.
Well, this should not be too surprising, as his first interrogation happened when he was only thirteen years old. It's only natural for a young boy to be shocked by the harsh interrogation methods – and there was torture included.
Although this was many years ago, I can still remember it clearly. My teacher had brought me along to his first interrogation session to meet the future Judge Knight, as well as to practice arguing with him.
Back then, I had felt very satisfied upon seeing the sinner – found guilty of multiple accounts of rape – tied to the cross and being whipped till his back was raw and bloody.
Are you aware that the Sun Knight can only love the God of Light and not women?! Do you know that because of the way that the Sun Knight has to speak, I can never get a woman?
And yet, you, you blasted rapist dare to use such a despicable way to get women! You make me feel so (envious)…… I mean, sick! You should be whipped till death!
Just then, my teacher had elbowed me, and I remembered that I was supposed to be practising my arguing with the future Judge Knight.
I immediately put on a horrified look and exclaimed, "Oh, this is just too cruel! How could you use such brutal methods on the God of Light's people? Even though he has sinned, there is still a chance that he may feel remorse for his actions and repent! The benevolent God of Light would never allow such cruel actions!"
All right, I went first, so it's now your turn.
When I glanced at my teacher, he had an approving look on his face, and I knew that I had begun the fight perfectly.
However, the black haired, black eyed and black clothed Little Judge Knight just kept quiet. I could have sworn that it was guilt and regret that flashed in his eyes, and there was a hint of tears welling up when I was admonishing him.
When he could no longer keep his tears from spilling out, he struggled out from his teacher's hold and ran away, knocking into me in the process.
"Child, why are you not going after him to teach him of the God of Light's merciful nature?" My teacher had patted me encouragingly.
What? No way? You still want me to continue reprimanding him when he's already in tears?......
"Remember to bring along a handkerchief, some clean water and two stools with you." After giving me this strange instruction, he turned around to begin the argument with his rival – the God of Light's benevolence versus Her stern and punishing nature - Round XXX.
And so, I followed my teacher's instructions and hurried off after my future rival with a pail of water, a handkerchief and two stools.
In the end, I found him in a washroom not too far off from the interrogation building, where he was throwing up everything he had eaten in the past three days.
I stood there waiting for him till my legs became tired, and, remembering the two stools, I gave one to my rival, while I sat on the other.
And there I sat waiting till he was finally done.
When I saw his dishevelled state, I naturally handed him the handkerchief and pail of water. He took them distractedly and started cleaning himself up.
So, that's what the stools, handkerchief and pail of water were for. I wondered if my teacher had gone through a similar experience with his rival?
The future Judge Knight quietly washed the handkerchief before returning it to me. He did not thank me, for the Sun Knight and the Judge Knight are archrivals, we each represent two different sides of the God of Light and should never get along.
We just quietly stared at each other; I did not want to lecture him on the God of Light's benevolence, and he did not wish to argue back about the God of Light's stern and unforgiving nature.
And it was from then on that we had a mutual agreement to meet up at the washroom to exchange words of the God of Light's benevolence and unforgiving nature. I would bring along the stools, handkerchief and a pail of water; and he would bring the tea and snacks prepared beforehand.
Well, as you know, you always feel hungry after throwing up, right?
Although the snacks he brings are always ones that he dislikes, but that which I love the most – the super sweet type.
Back to the present, the Judge Knight has finally finished vomiting, and as usual, he accepts the water and handkerchief I hand him, while saying, "Sun, it has been a long time since you last came here, I thought that you had finally understood that the God of Light's stern justice is the only way to stop the sinners from doing wrong."
He's complaining that it's been a long time since I last visited him.
"The benevolence of the God of Light exists not only within the Holy Temple. Even the king's castle is under her care, and the king wished to learn more of Her holy teachings. "
I was sent to 'teach' that fat pig a 'lesson'.
"The king must have scoffed at you and your mild teachings. Only the stern nature of the God of Light can let him understand the error of his ways."
That fat king must have been difficult. Judge gave me a pitying look.
"With the help of the Brother Storm, the king was finally able to gain enlightenment of the God of Light's benevolent teachings."
It was all thanks to Storm, or else that pig would never have reduced the tax.
"Storm Knight must have deeply regretted that he had not given a stern lecture to those in the castle. Can his eyes not see all the sinners in the castle?"
The castle is filled with women…… are his eyes OK?
"He did indeed gaze upon the sins within the castle. Even though he was saddened by them, he still accepts and embraces them all with the God of Light's forgiving nature."
His eyes nearly went bust.
"May the God of Light not punish him for standing by without bringing all the sinners to justice."
Poor guy……hope his eyes get better soon.
"The pope has already passed on Her support to him, and told him that the warm healing sun outside will embrace him for three days. This Sun feels happy and grateful that I, too, could share her gentle teachings with him."
He was given three days off. Same with me.
"May the hot midday sun teach both of you of Her stern justice. For no matter where you go, She will always be there to punish those who sin."
Hope you guys have a good time! Where do you plan to go to?
"The light of the Benevolent God shines upon every inch of this land, even be it this lowly Sun Knight's room."
I'm going to stay in my room and sleep.
Judge's stern face cracked to reveal a small smile. Shaking his head, he handed over his share of the snacks to me. "May you one day receive Her stern teachings."
"And may you one day receive her gentle messages."
I bit down on one of the snacks; Mmm…. Blueberry flavour, my favourite.
Now, even though I told Judge I would be sleeping for the whole three days…… What? What are you giving me that look for? You don't believe that I will really spend all of my holiday sleeping?
What's that? Go pick up girls at a bar?
Don't be silly, I don't want to earn money for the Church! Before I can even woo them into my bed, they'll have thrown money at me to stop my 'preaching'.
Oh? Why don't I just go drinking instead (since I love drinking)?
Are you crazy?
Don't you remember who I am?
I'm the Sun Knight! How can the Sun Knight-who is well known for passing out after only three cups, go drinking in a pub?
You don't really think that just 'cause I'm on vacation, I can stop being a Sun Knight for three days, do you?
My teacher often said to me, "A Sun Knight is for life. So smile even till your very last breath!"
So even when on vacation, I am the Sun Knight still; the only difference being that I am 'a Sun Knight on vacation'.
Even when on vacation, I have to paste this smile on my face.
Even when on vacation, I have to praise the God of Light with each sentence I speak.
Even when on vacation, I may only record passing beauties.
So. I'd rather spend my time cooped up in my room sleeping than to go out and keep up the act. In my room, I am free to express myself in any way I want, I have no need to watch what I say, and I can fantasize about all the lovely ladies I've recorded……
And while in my room, I can enter the secret trapdoor hidden beneath my bed. It leads to a secret underground cellar filled with barrels of wine made by the last Sun Knight, and the Sun Knight before him, and the Sun Knight before him……. At the same time, in thanks for the wine left behind by previous Sun Knights, as well as for the future well 'drinking' of future Sun Knights to come, I too, have to do my share and make my specialty-apple wine.
My teacher often said, "Child, if your sword skills are poor, the worst that can happen is that you die earlier in a fight. If your holy skills are poor, the worst that can happen is that you won't be able to heal the sick; in that case, just say a prayer or two and pray that he joins Her holy presence soon. But! You must make sure that you have your wine making skills down pat, or else the Sun Knights in coming generations will curse you for depleting the wine cellar without replenishing it!"
My teacher's speciality was grape wine; hence there is an abundance of grape wine in the cellars for me. Similarly, my speciality is apple wine, so my future student will have a cellar full of apple wine to enjoy.
Although, to make my apple wine, I have to constantly sneak apples from the kitchens. Now, the cooks all think that this Sun Knight loves apples. But this couldn't be further from the truth. I like apples as much as I like Earth; that is, not at all!
So, to avoid smiling; to avoid speaking of the benevolent God of Light; to avoid seeing anymore apples……
I think it's best that I lock myself in my room and sleep. Oh, and not to mention, the difficult task of maintaining my skin's fair condition.
What! You think it's unmanly for me to care for my skin? Well, it's not like I want to!
The whole continent knows that the Sun Knight is a golden haired, blue eyed, fair skinned hottie!
To become the fair skinned hottie of the legends, every Sun Knight eventually becomes an expert at making whitening masks. Although, I do believe that I'm one of the better ones in this particular aspect.
I know I'm called the Sun Knight, but I really do hate the sun, for no reason other than that my skin darkens easily. For every day that I spend under the sun, I have to apply a whitening mask for a whole night, just to salvage my fair skin.
It was precisely because I had such a hard time keeping up the image of a fair skinned Sun Knight that I became proficient at putting together whitening masks, as well as researching newer and better recipes. After all, the Sun Knight is expected to have glowing fair skin, even if he had spent a whole day fighting evil monsters under the blazing sun, and I have to keep up with that image.
This is best recipe I've developed so far:
- Soured milk
- 10 drops of lemon juice
- Extract from 30 roses
- Extract from 10 lavenders
Mix all ingredients thoroughly before applying onto body. Steam yourself for 1 hour.
(Note: Don't try this at home. This Sun Knight is a trained expert, and unless you are one too, don't try this at home!)
With this recipe, it is guaranteed that even if I train under the sun for a whole day, my skin will only be a mere shade darker than usual the next day.
Actually, I secretly believe that the first Sun Knight was an albino.
Or else, how could he have maintained his fair skin even after training, battling and lecturing kings, all under the blazing hot sun? Even to the extent that he could have left the impression of a fair skinned hottie even until today?
But there is one thing that I hate-even more than Earth, or apples. Why is it that, every single time I have disrobed and started putting on the whitening mask, someone will always come knocking at my door?!
'Knock, knock, knock!'
You see! Just as I said! Shit! I must be cursed!
Sadly, I'm becoming accustomed to it and have resigned myself to expecting the interruptions.
"May I ask which brother of mine has come seeking me under the guidance of the benevolent God of Light?"
He better have a good reason for interrupting me! Or he'll get a face full of my whitening mask!
"It's me, Leaf. Thank goodness you're here. Hurry! Undead creatures have been spotted in the city."
Leaf Knight? Ah, he's one of the Good Warm Faction, and one of the Twelve Knights that I actually like.
The reason-he really is a good guy.
"Brother Leaf, please wait for a brief moment. I was kindly reminded by the God of Light to always present one's self to the world with a clean and tidy demeanour."
No matter how important it is, I still have to wipe off all this whitening paste, and put on some clothes.
Otherwise, the others might mistake me for the undead, and attack me instead. Even I have to admit that with the way I am right now, I look no better than a rotting undead corpse.
"That's alright. Take your time, Sun. I'll hold off the undead for now. Don't worry, I'll definitely leave some for you to deal with!" And with that, Leaf Knight turned and left hurriedly.
See how nice he is? Why, if I were a woman, I'd definitely tell him-softly and gently, "You're the best!"
The whole continent knows that the Sun Knight hates the undead the most, for these creatures go against the God of Light's every principles. These dark creatures that violate the very laws of death itself are completely opposed to the light filled Sun Knight; the very sight of an undead creature is enough to drive the Sun Knight crazy. The undead are the only creatures that the Sun Knight cannot forgive.
What this means for me is that I can shout and howl in anger, and slash and stab them. I can release all my pent up anger, aggravation, and resentment-from having to smile all the time, having to speak of the God of Light with every sentence I utter, having to ignore women, having to apply a whitening mask every other day-all my frustrations can be released upon them!
My teacher often said to me, "My child, you will often have to go looking for undead creatures."
"To carry out the Sun Knight's vow to eradicate all undead creatures, you mean?"
"Not at all. It's because you have use them as an outlet for your frustrations."
"Think about it. Every day, you have to constantly smile and forgive every single person and sing praises of the God of Light with each sentence you speak. If you never vent out your emotions, you'll get depressed, and won't be able to carry out your duties as the Sun Knight capably; if you can't do your job well, you might get fired; with you losing your job, you'll get even more depressed till at last, you will depart this world and join the God of Light. Surely you don't want this scenario happening, do you? "
"Well, that is why you will have to vent your pent up emotions on the undead at least once every month, understand?"
"But what if I can't find any?"
"Not to worry, my child. Here, take this business card. It's for a necromancer specially contracted by the Church. Not only can you request for any type of undead creature, you can put the expenses on the Church's tab."
So, to avoid falling into a depression, to avoid losing my job and to avoid meeting the God of Light too soon, I quickly scraped of all the whitening paste of my body and got ready to vent all my frustrations on the unsuspecting undead.
Thank God I had yet to begin the steaming process.
Wet paste is definitely easier to scrape off than the dried mask. If you don't believe me, next time slap some glue onto yourself and see which one is easier to scrape off; the wet part? Or the dried part?
(Word of advice, though… I have been specially trained. So if you aren't, well… I won't be held responsible for the consequences for said experiment.)
Back when my teacher was teaching me how to apply a whitening mask for the first time, he forgot to tell me something very important. When he had remembered and rushed back, the mask had already dried, and I was in the process of scraping it off……
"My child! No matter what you do, don't apply the paste onto your 'important bits', or else……"
Since then, not a single hair has grown around my most important bits.
My teacher had always felt guilty for not warning me in time, and so ever since, he took extra care when teaching me not to leave out anything else.
But back to the story, I easily washed away all the paste with no problems; although, together along with the paste are all my effort (and money), flowing down the drain. The Church refused to pay for my expenses-rose and lavender extract don't come cheap!
And so I watched sadly as my salary flowed down the drain…… Damn it! I'm going to release all my anger and frustrations on those damned undead creatures!
I put on my uniform, grabbed a sword and kicked open my door. Luckily Leaf, that nice guy, had thoughtfully instructed an apprentice to lead me to the fight, for I had no idea where the undead creatures were.
Leaf! I swear that when I'm done venting my frustrations, I will suggest that the Holy Temple issue you a Good Knight Certificate.