Okay, so after looking at the polls and the comments you guys have left me, I've decided to compromise and put both chapter links and the entire story into 1 page. It'll take a bit of time before the rest of the books are condensed into 1 page, but I'll try to do them ASAP.


Friday, 28 January 2011

Book 1: Rule 1 – The Sun Knight’s First Rule: “Smile Always”

*Disclaimer note: This is merely a translation of the original Chinese version. I do not claim any part in the creation of the original story.

I am a knight. To be more precise, I am the Church of the God of Light's Sun Knight.
The Church of the God of Light worships and serves the God of Light and is also one of the three largest religions on this continent. However - even though it’s only one of the three largest, when it comes to tradition, no other religion can beat the Church of the God of Light.
And as everyone knows, the Church of the God of Light is divided into the army branch - the Holy Temple, and the worship branch - the Hall of Light.
I, of course, belong to the Holy Temple. The Holy Temple has the Twelve Holy Knights. In the past, each Holy Knight commanded their own army; for example, as I am the Sun Knight, I would command the Sun Knight Army.
But in today’s era of peace, the probability of war happening is very low. With no wars, the Knight Army cannot be mobilised; if the armies are not mobilised, there are no chances of pillaging and plundering…… In other words, the Holy Temple could not afford to feed twelve Knight Armies, and it was decided to merge all twelve armies into one, consisting of twelve teams; the team reporting directly to me would be the Sun Knight Team, obviously.
Even though we went from being leaders of a Knight Army to a small Knight Team, I am actually the one least affected, because as the head of the Twelve Holy Knights I would be the leader of the whole army. As long as I’m still the army leader, it doesn’t really make any difference if I am the leader of the Sun Knight Army or the leader of the Holy Army, wouldn’t you agree?
So, who are the Twelve Holy Knights?
Well, I’ll just have to introduce them to you one by one as we go on; if I were to list them all out right now, I’m sure no one would be able to remember them all.
Alright, first of all, the fellow on my right. That’s right, this blue haired guy winking at women left and right, he’s the Storm Knight.
Every Holy Knight should have his own distinct personality and features, key word - ‘should’.
For example, the Sun Knight is the Church of the God of Light’s representative.

That’s right. I’m the Church of the God of Light’s representative.

Therefore, no matter what the circumstances I have to always smile as brilliantly as the sun, even if right now I am going to meet with the most hated and disgusting King Fat Pig of Forgotten Echo (a country), I still have to smile as if I were going to meet with a gorgeous babe.

To force myself to think of the Fat Pig as a beauty, sigh… Bro, do you now realise how difficult this is?
“The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”
During my time as the Sun Knight, I must have said that phrase at least a million times, and with a big smile no less. This is the fate of a Sun Knight, to forever forgive people with a smile.
Because the whole continent knows that the Sun Knight is the representative of The Church of the God of Light, and that he would never give up on redeeming anyone’s soul!
So no matter that my dearest wish is to stab that King Fat Pig and let his more competent son inherit the thrown, I can only put on my bright smile and try to persuade that fat pig not to raise any more taxes!
But I’ve gone off tangent.

In contrast with The Church of the God of Light’s representative, the Storm Knight is a ‘carefree’ knight, hence he is ‘carefree’ and a ‘flirt’. If it’s possible to skip, he’ll skip the meeting! As long as a woman looks just slightly better than a dragon, he has to wink at her.
If there is anything to do with ‘freedom’, he has to involve himself. For example if there was a revolution going on anywhere, he has to at the very least support them by giving a speech; sometimes giving a speech is not enough and he will be dragged into leading the revolution and whatever else.
But the amazing thing is that even if he had skipped all the meetings, he always has ways of knowing about the announcements made during the meetings, and managed to finish all the work assigned. (Sometimes the work load can be quite a lot. Well, what can he do? Who asked him to skip the meetings? We have to take advantage of him being absent and push all the work onto him.) He even knows which meetings are really important and that he has to attend them, and comes for those.
So, even though you are the so called carefree Storm Knight, while it may appear that you can skip meetings, you still have to do all the work assigned to you!
As for being a flirt…… This fellow may have winked at every woman-no matter princesses, ladies, or old maids with toilet cleaners-with an arrogant smile at his lips.
But I have a suspicion that he is actually an innocent virgin. After all, his reputation as a playboy has been around for quite some time now, but till now I have yet to hear of anyone claiming to have been knocked up by him.
His arrogant smile is as fake as his blue hair.
And yes, that hair of his is dyed.

Why, you ask?

Because the whole continent knows that the Storm Knight is blue haired!
I have no idea if the first Storm Knight really had blue hair or if he had just dyed it to look cool, but I know that he has inconvenienced every Storm Knight after him. After all, how common is a blue haired child?
Not common at all!

So, every Storm Knight has to dye their hair for the rest of their lives, and eight out of ten have died from the build up of hair dye chemicals in their body…… Sigh… Storm, I will pray for you now.

“Sun, did you say something to me?” Storm raised an irritated eyebrow, appearing to be annoyed that I had interrupted his flirting.
“Brother Storm, I did not pass on any words to you, perhaps what you heard was the gentle whisperings of the benevolent God of Light.” I answered with a gentle smile.
Storm twitched an eye. I guess he couldn’t stand the way I speak. I myself can’t stand it, but I have to speak in this manner, just as Storm has to wink at every woman, regardless if the woman really was as ugly as a dragon.
And everything I talk about has to revolve around the God of Light; even if I were merely saying that the toilet was blocked, I have to say that it had to be the will of the God of Light.
Because of this, I dislike speaking; and besides, no one said that the Sun Knight has to be chatty.
(Praise the God of Light, that the first Sun Knight had not had a chatty personality trait.)
But back to the topic, Storm Knight has to have blue hair, and I, the Sun Knight, have to have golden hair and blue eyes.
It was due to this head of golden hair that at the audition for the Twelve Holy Knights, my teacher had chosen me over a boy whose hair was more brownish than golden, but whose sword skills were three times better than mine.

Back then, my teacher - the previous Sun Knight - had sadly announced my victory; and from beginning till end, his gaze was solely fixed on that brown haired boy.

Thank goodness for small miracles though. Even though my sword skills weren’t as good as that prodigy, my teacher was comforted by the fact that I am actually highly competent in other areas.

Although… I did often hear him quietly ask the private investigators, “have you found the brown haired boy yet? I’ve gotten the special hair dye from the magician…”

After walking down this really, really long hallway - made with taxpayers’ money no doubt, that wasteful pig - we finally arrived at the king’s audience hall to achieve this trips objective - to persuade him not to raise taxes……although I feel it would be even better if he could do away with the taxes all together.
“Hello, how do you do? I am The Church of the God of Light’s Sun Knight. Graced with the God of Light’s benevolence, I come here seeking an audience with His Majesty to pass on Her message of love.” I smiled warmly at the guards.
The guard gaped at me with awe for a moment before turning to pass on the message. Not a moment later, the doors to the hall slowly swung open.
I threw a smile of gratitude at the guard, and the latter was so moved he had tears of joy in his eyes. Haha! Looks like there’s gonna be another addition to my fan club.
Now, the guard may have been thrilled that the Sun Knight would be so polite to a lowly, unimportant person such as himself, but he shouldn’t flatter himself. I smile just as brightly at everyone else; no matter if it’s the king, or a dirty beggar sitting at a corner, for I am a chivalrous knight.  

Yes, the ever smiling Sun Knight.
The Fat Pig was indeed still sitting on his thrown. In fact, he looked even fatter since the last time I saw him; he was now as wide as three grown man. Oh God, why hasn’t he died of an obesity-induced heart attack or something?

With my perfect smile in place, I kneeled down - while fighting the urge to throw up - and lightly kissed his fat hand, and said, “Your Majesty, Sun Knight of the Church of the God of Light brings you the good wishes of the kind and gentle God of Light.”

“Enough, enough! You say that every single time, yet every time you have brought me nothing but troubles and headaches!”

As if it wasn’t you who stirred up trouble first! Do you actually think I like coming to see how much fatter you’ve grown?!

I innocently smiled and explained, “Your Majesty, the God of Light spreads her benevolence over the whole land, seeking only to spread Her teachings of justice and forgiveness to the people, and not to create troubles for Your Majesty. If there has been some kind of misunderstanding, I feel terribly sorry for it, and hope that Your Majesty will allow me a chance to clear up this misunderstanding.”

“Enough!” the King had a tired look on his face upon hearing this long spiel. “Quickly, state your objective for coming here!”
“I thank you for giving me this opportunity to explain this misunderstanding between us. I appreciate Your Majesty’s generosity and patience.” I elegantly stood up, took a few deep breathes and began my long and unbearable speech.

“Since long time ago, the benevolence and love of the God of Light has covered the land, each and every person is Her beloved child. Is there any parent who does not wish the best for their children? There aren’t; and so too does the God of Light wish that Her children may live out their days in happiness, with good food and warm clothing. But while She may be an all powerful God, She cannot go against the rules of the Gods and interfere with mortals, and so She can only pass on this wish of Hers to those of Her Church and trust to leave Her beloved children’s fate  to the Kings chosen by the Heavens……”

Here, the King rudely gave a loud yawn.

Damn you, you old fool, you only have to listen to it, you have no idea how difficult it is for me to say it!

“……However, the taxes these few years have made it rather difficult for the people to continue on. Even though this lowly Sun Knight has no way of knowing the thoughts of the God of Light, I thought to myself that surely the kind God of Light would not want to see Her children in such troubles? Oh dear, that Her children are living out such hard lives! Why this must be hurting Her greatly, and that She is hurting so much makes this Sun Knight feel ashamed. I feel unworthy of Her trust in me, letting Her children live in such hard times……”

The king started dozing off. The ministers standing at his side began to take out official documents and were showing them to the Crown Prince for his approval-for the Crown Prince is actually the one in charge of the state affairs.

Storm Knight, who has been standing beside me had already winked at every woman in the room and was preparing to wink at each of them for the second time.

“……Even under these poor circumstances, the people still look up to their king with love and respect, and pay the full tax; what a great show of devotion! Such loyalty should be rewarded. I know that raising the taxes is a necessary evil, but in the face of such devotion from your people, perhaps you should show some appropriate response, so as not to fail the God of Light’s hopes for us.”

Oh, I’m so grateful! I finally reached the main point of my speech. That’s it, reduce the taxes! Damn fat pig, you’ve already collected their harvest, what the hell are you doing asking for more tax collections? Do you really want the people to revolt against you?!

“What?” Suddenly wide awake, the king slammed his meaty hand on the table and shouted, “If I don’t collect additional tax, how am I supposed to refurbish my castle?!”

No……Don’t force me to speak again! I’m am already in great agony.

“Your Majesty” Said Storm Knight casually, “If you are to insist on raising taxes, the Church of the God of Light will not bother to do anything should something unfortunate were to happen.”

Simple and direct! You said it, Storm! I’m so grateful to youuuu! But on the surface, I put on a reproving look and scolded, “Storm, how can you say such things to His Majesty? This goes against the God of Light’s principles”

Storm just shrugged. Theoretically, he has to listen to the orders of the head of the Twelve Holy Knights, me, so he did not speak again. But everything that needed to be said has already been said, so it didn’t really matter.

But it’s all right; the whole continent knows that the Storm Knight has never cared about rules and good manners, so nobody got angry with what he said.

“Th-this is a threat!” The king trembled with fury.

“Oh, Your Majesty, please don’t misunderstand, the God of Light would never use such underhanded tactics…”

But the Church of the God of Light will.

“We feel sympathy for the people who have to live such hard lives… ”

Die you fat pig, it would not be good for both of us should the people revolt! And especially the Holy Temple too; we would have to settle the revolt without getting any kind of payment in return! If you know what’s best then revoke the order for the tax increase, or else we’ll stand by and watch as you are torn apart by the angry mobs, and help to crown the Crown Prince!

“Hmm… Crown Prince, the Pope told me he greatly appreciates you. I wonder when the day will come when I can call you my King?” The Storm Knight bantered with the Crown Prince.

“Please give the Pope my thanks for his praise,” replied the Crown Prince politely.

Hahaha! Not bad, Storm! Another simple and effective threat!

If you don’t revoke the order, we’ll force you to abdicate the throne! You can’t do anything to your very capable son anyway.
As expected, the king’s face turned an ashy colour and after hesitating for a while, weakly waved his hand. “Since the harvest has already been collected, there’s no need to raise the taxes, the refurbishing of the castle can be done some other time.”

Hallelujah! I can finally return to the Holy Temple with the mission completed. Within the Holy Temple, there is no one who would force me to speak! I can happily be a silent Sun Knight!

“However, since you are rarely come all the way out here, we should hold a banquet. You must have a drink with me, or I’ll get upset!” The king grinned evilly.

At this point, even Storm gave me a concerned look.

The whole continent knows that the Sun Knight never drinks. Should he drink a cup, his face will turn red; at two cups, he will get a splitting headache; and after three cups, he will pass out.

I gave a wry smile and looked rather reluctant, but this is obviously an act for the king. After all, he had been threatened twice within a day, I have to give him some sort of small victory or else he may make troubles for the Holy Temple in the future.

“This Sun will…try his best” I pretended to reluctantly yield to him, and knelt before him as etiquette dictated.

“Hahaha, servants! Get the feast ready, and bring out my strongest alcohols!” The king ordered, and the Crown Prince shot me a look of apology. He had been unable to stop his father from raising the tax and had to secretly ask the Holy Temple to interfere in this matter.

Although busy winking and ogling at the women, Storm was still able to shoot me concerned looks.

What are you worried for? I’m a strong drinker!

That’s right. The Sun Knight who is said to be unable to hold his liquor after three cups, is actually a drunkard.

Reflecting back several years ago, when my teacher had brought me to a secret underground cellar……

“My child, the lesson for today is on how to drink alcohol.”

“What? But teacher, isn’t the Sun Knight said to be unable to hold his liquor?”

“The Sun Knight will always forgive others, but how many times have you really forgiven anyone?”

“None so far”

“The Sun Knight is forever smiling, how many times have you really smiled sincerely?”

“Only a few times……”

“The Sun Knight is a benevolent person, are you really benevolent?”


“Child, if you do not learn how to drink, how can you keep up the act of going red after one cup, getting a headache after two, and passing out after the third?

“So the saying that Sun Knights being unable to hold their liquor is built on the basis that Sun Knights are actually strong drinkers.”

It sounds logical, yet so contradictory!

“Drink up, child. This whole month, you can only drink wine, no water; drink until you can drink wine like you drink water.”


I was twelve back then. In order to keep up the appearance of the Sun Knight being unable to drink, I became a really strong drinker, where even a thousand cups would not faze me.

Back to reality. At the banquet, I was only in attendance for 10 minutes, for under the encouragement of the king, I ‘passed out’ after my third cup.

Great! I can finally go back to my room and sleep.

Poor Storm who has to keep up his Storm Knight appearance, is still winking at every women at the banquet. And with the number of ladies in attendance……He’s going to get a cramp in his eye.
Previous                                                                                                             Next

1 comment:

  1. i've just realised this:
    So no matter that my dearest wish is to stab that King Fat Pig and let his more competent son inherit the thrown, I can only put on my bright smile and try to persuade that fat pig not to raise any more taxes!

    it should be 'throne' and not 'thrown',right?


Good Warm Faction

Good Warm Faction